I continue to ponder the whole deal regarding closure. Clearly, we seek closure as a final stage of the grieving process. However, grieving doesn't really stop, there is no finality to it, there are waves. The waves seem to be huge breaker waves initially and, as time passes, they are smaller.
Our mother passed about six weeks ago. I was  rationally and emotionally prepared for her death. She had been fighting disease for years. The last year of her life, well, she just ran out of energy. Just how much can a body take? As Popeye has said, "I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more."
Mom didn't want a funeral or  service. She donated her body to a medical school. In her very typical style, she wanted to have it done and move on right away. I was totally in agreement, I was prepared [I thought] and moving on. I got together with my dad and brothers immediately after her death in tribute to her and to have us unified and sharing our grief. OK, move on.
However, there was a push made for a service. I went along with the idea but was against it because it was going against mom's final request. If your last request isn't honored, what does that say? The day of the service arrived, the pastor picked out some comforting scripture verses, family and friends prayed, and we went out for lunch.
To my surprise, there was a new level of comfort  that was experienced by myself and others I discussed it with. We were experiencing 'closure'. I'm not sure if this is the correct term, maybe it is. I have closed the door to the emotional room of the memories, lessons, and love that I keep for her. I can still open that door and visit any time. Perhaps sharing grief with the group  helps to lighten the load and make it more manageable.
I think I have closure but I'm still wondering.............

I had an elbow infection in September, went into the hospital for IV antibiotics, got a terrible reaction [C-Diff]. Took another three antibiotics to cure the reaction to the IV antibiotics. Being weak and in bed and wheelchair for several weeks, I had some skin breakdown on my caboose. Due to my weak condition, the wound developed an infection.

I went into the hospital and had to take IV antibiotics; got a terrible reaction [C-Diff]. Took two antibiotics to cure the reaction to the IV antibiotics. This time, no cure, just keeping it managed.

Continuing with physical therapy, every time I started to make gains, got sick again.

With my disability, I get that this stuff happens and try to deal with it as best I  can. I just can't help saying, Stop  the Merry-Go-Round, I want to get off.

Well, 2015 is over and I'm glad. The kinda year that if something could go wrong, it did. Fighting infections, getting sick from the infection treatments, moving to a new environment, losing abilities, skin breakdown, and equipment problems are just a few of the highlights.

Of course, being Mr. Crankypants is not the state of mind I need to be able to present a more positive outlook. I was even hesitant about my first paragraph, but, reality; it is what it is.

Happy New Year and many blessings to all of you. Let's just give it our best shot today.

Just  had to do a quick post. Not neglecting my duties, just have higher priorities this month.

Note that the car is possibly a person with a disability parked in the proper spot. Just not  paying attention. This illustrates how much room a van with a ramp REALLY needs...

Deb and I realized several years ago that making our home the hub of recreational opportunities is the most practical and enjoyable way for us to get our 'kicks'. Three years ago, we had an above ground pool installed. We usually gasp for air when we discuss costs, but, we don't incur the annual vacation road trip expenses, so, it really does equal out quickly.

As it is with EVERY endeavor, my situation ALWAYS creates special challenges and issues. However, we do a great job discussing these issues, our feelings and our concerns before we take the plunge [yes, that was on purpose]. For example, the special challenges for me with the pool:

Admittedly, Deb enjoys the convenience and ability to jump in the water at any time. She makes cleaning the water part of her swim routine and does an excellent job with maintenance. The water always is clear and inviting. Stop by for a dip anytime!

As we continue to decline, we have to make adjustments. I get that. For the past year, I have been using an external catheter that is attached to a bag strapped to my leg to store urine. Quite honestly, it's a great system. Saves hassles, panic and falls.

However, now that summer is upon us, 'tis the season for short pants. As hard as I try, I just can't get comfortable with people being able to see my bag of pee strapped to my leg. And, this really only happens here at home. If I head out to the store or wherever, I do wear long pants. So, you would think that anyone stopping by the house knows me, knows my physical problems and seeing my bag 'o' pee wouldn't matter to them. Maybe it doesn't matter to them. Must be my problem.

Hey Steve, get over it; nice bag...

      I usually refer to our paratransit system as riding the 'Special Bus'. It's not really politically correct, but, those of us that use the system get more latitude.
      I wanted to get a ride to replace my glasses [Gus ate mine; that's another story]. I haven't used the special bus for 5 years. The last time I rode, the driver did not secure my chair properly. He hit the brakes and I face planted into the plexiglass behind the driver's seat. Bad day.
      Unfortunately, I discovered that my 'Membership Card' has expired. I called the transit company, and, must complete the applications for eligibility over again. My point is that I really took this  benefit for granted and assumed it would always be there. Gonna have to be more attentive from now on. It's NOT an entitlement, it's a gift...
      The down side is that the Penguins are in the playoffs and I can't see the puck very well without my glasses.

      As we continue to work on our current conundrum [my wife visiting out of town], a situation occurred that has significant influence on the decision.
      Last week I had to give my wife a phone call from the floor of our bathroom. I had fallen getting from the  toilet back to the wheelchair. 'Fallen' makes it sound bad. I lost my balance and, in slow motion, sat down on the floor. Of course, I can't get off the floor without assistance.
      This was not the first time. So, I reached for the phone that dangles from my wheelchair for exactly this kind of problem. I went through my list of people I call when I'm in trouble [an honor and curse to be on THAT list]. Five of five NOT home. So, I called the last on the list, my wife who happens to be in the community working. She'll get home asap.
      Unfortunately, it was a long 2 hours waiting for her to arrive. Using the Hoyer Lift, I was back in my wheelchair inside of 15  minutes. No physical damage, just emotional.
      I'm thinkin' this may influence her trip plans. So much for confidence building...