She began to take an inventory of all the tasks she performs for me; helping me first thing and last thing during the day as well as any / all other preparation tasks she performs. Once the list was completed, we began to problem solve ways and alternatives to maintain and meet my needs while she would be out of town. I think that she just does so much for me without really thinking about it that once she saw the fully compiled list, it was a surprise and quite overwhelming [to her]. Oddly, she provides so much care without much thought, but, with great love and a sense of duty [responsibility].
I was not so surprised. I know each and every task on the list, what we need, the best and most efficient methods. I knew how big a deal it would be to me for her to leave. And, while I was having a panic attack inside, externally, I was going along with the plan. There is no rule that says she has to do any of the tasks on our list. She does it because her heart is as big as the planet, and, she loves me [yep, I am BLESSED].
Now, because of the complications involved in my care, because of the size of her heart, because of her love for me, she doesn't want to go. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my first reaction is: Great! No more problems. HOWEVER, I love her too, I don't take her time for granted, I knew the size of the list. It IS overwhelming. However, I know that if anyone should get a break, it is my wife.
We will continue to hammer it out. She wants to go, but, doesn't want to go. I don't want her go go, but, I want her to go; pushing and pulling / pulling and pushing...